Sunday, January 15, 2012

Bidet-Curious

I'm not sure how I spent a week in Paris and two weeks in Yemen and never ran into one, but I finally got up close and personal with a bidet in, of all places, exotic Toronto.

I recently stayed one night at Le Meridien King Edward hotel and in addition to early 20th century decor, my bathroom had a bidet. I've always been bidet-curious but never got to act on my curiosity.

My bathroom also had this strange alcove of emptiness:

I didn't know what to do with it, so I took a picture and eventually put a chair there.

Back to the bidet!

Like the empty spot, the bidet did not come with an instruction manual. Maybe I should have called the concierge for help. Maybe I should have gone online and read "How To Use a Bidet," but I'm an independent woman, how hard could it be?

So I did what I had to do on the toilet and with my pants down, waddled over to the bidet. There were quite a few knobs and levers. One said "stream/rim," another two had the standard "H" and "C." I opted for "stream" and turned on the hot tap. Water came bubbling up pretty high, so it took a bit of dialing up and down before I got what I thought would be the perfect height, all while growing a little chilly and having to reach around the stream to get to the taps. I added some cold water and stuck my hand in the stream to check the temperature - not too hot, not too cold.....or so I thought.

It seems that in the time it took me to turn around and squat over the bidet, the hot water came on full steam ahead (no pun intended), upping both the pressure and the temperature. Long story short, I burned my ass and jumped five feet in the air. No, I do not have a picture of the moment.


The Butt-Burning Bidet

All I can say is, if you get to play with a bidet, make 100% sure you use more cold tap than hot tap because it's probably better to have a cold butt than a burnt butt. I don't have any scars or anything, but it's such a sensitive area, that, you know, it's best not to take chances. 
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