Married Women Do It. Do You?

I read this great post by another married solo woman traveler (and I think she's even a Québecoise native also!). There must be something in the water here.

In the comments of that article, someone questioned, "what's the point of being married if you're going to be independent?"

What's the point of anything? LOL

Why wouldn't I suddenly want or need my autonomy? Why would I want to lose myself? Why would I want my husband to dictate where or when I leave the house? Why would I want to be with a man who doesn't allow me to live out my dreams or support me in that? Why would I want to be with a man who has no desire or ambition to follow his own dreams?

Why are women going along with this idea that they must stop desiring anything for themselves the minute they get married?

Men go off alone every day. They travel alone all the time. Why is it acceptable for them and not us?


To add another element, I have a kid. I didn't lose myself in motherhood anymore than I lost myself to marriage. So not only do I leave my husband when I travel (and he's a grown man, he can take care of himself!), I choose to leave my child also.

I choose to teach  my son that women can be strong. I choose to teach my son that woman can live their dreams. I choose to teach my son that women can be independent. I choose to teach my son that even though someone he loves may leave him now and then, she will come back refreshed and with new ideas and things to teach him. I choose to be a role model to teach him to trust himself. To inspire him to explore the world on his own and discover new things about himself.
I cannot always be with him and at some point I will have to be left standing at the airport, watching him go off on his own, tears in my eyes.

One Woman, Three Currencies and 10 Days

uh, I *think* I made a reservation for this place: http://9hours.jp/
Not sure because the site was all in Japanese and didn't ask for a credit card, as far as I can tell. I don't know what the hell is going on half the time. Not sure if I booked a hotel or if I'm trying to sleep in an Apple Store.

It's only $10 more than the hostel (which is all booked now!) and I feel that I need the capsule experience in order to truly appreciate Japan.

I decided to skip the breakfast rate after reading this description:

the bread chunks with coffee and drip authentic, "and Motchiri" "plump" 
original used ♪ Please Come savor toast ○ ○ contents breakfast -drink (all eight species. blended coffee, and orange juice) , green salad (you can choose from a type. 3 pizza toast, tuna onion toast, bacon and eggs toast) Toast

They have toast I take it? And I can drink all eight species!

I have all nights booked now except for one because I haven't decided if I will spend it in Tokyo or Kyoto. It will depend on a mix of Dfly and how much I like Tokyo after one night. I am presuming we can wing this and not end up sleeping in a subway.

So now my trip goes like this:

Montreal-Toronto-Beijing-Tianjin-Great Wall-Beijing-Tokyo-Kyoto-Kurama-Kyoto-Osaka-Seoul-Narita-Toronto-Montreal
10 days of insanity and adventure!

I got my visa pic taken at the CAA and spent way too much time and money there. I bought 2 pairs of those high-tech undies. I know, undies don't take up a lot of space, but any little bit helps these days. I just can't and won't do the 30lbs backpack mistake again. It's minimal all the way now! I think maybe 3 shirts, 1 jacket, 2 pants and maybe a change of shoes. I bought a fancy hanging toiletries bag also. My fancy high-tech travel towel fits in it, so that's all that really matters. I checked and can get all my liquids in those stupid TSA baggies, so all should be good. I might go back and buy a special anti-theft over-the-shoulder bag.

Still looking for a door stop alarm and inflatable hangers at a reasonable price.

Travel Doesn't Always Change You

I look back fondly at the experiences and memories I had from my first solo trips because they changed me so much. They were filled with a energy and purpose, also prompting me to start this blog, because I was so excited by what had changed in me and wanted to share it.

I may have gone into some trips expecting changes to take place and they may or may not have happened because of the trip. In other words, they may have simply happened because I was ready for a change.

I was in a very different place mentally for my most recent solo trip. I had just quit my job. I am mother to a young child with special needs. I went across the country to help a best friend - not because I was looking for adventure or particularly wanted to go there, but out of sense of duty. Still, I resigned myself to see it as a new adventure and make the best of it.

At 6am, I held my son and said good-bye. I took a cab to the metro station, where I caught a bus to the airport. I had a backpack and a small carry-on bag on wheels. I sat at the airport and ate toast and jam I had brought with me. I then went through security. I boarded a plane to Edmonton and the flight took four hours. I landed in Edmonton, bought lunch and a toy for my son. I waited an hour and a half for a bus to take me to Cold Lake. The bus to Cold Lake took over four hours. I was picked up by my best friend's husband at the air force base. I arrived there around 6pm their time (which was 8pm my time). That's 14 hours of travel time!
Believe me, the fact I could have flown to Europe or China was not lost on me!

Unlike other solo trips, I did not feel nervous at all. In fact, I may have even been too relaxed. But I felt comfortable in my homeland of Canada and I also stayed with my best friend most of the trip. I spent only one day and night alone in Edmonton on the way back. Unlike other times, it didn't feel liberating, it just felt good - like a comfy old sweater. I'm past the liberation stage and into the "Old Hat" stage!

In the end, it was more reaffirming that I still have some travel left in me. My life has changed drastically - I'm a mom responsible for another person - but I'm still the same old solo traveler inside.

Banish the Naysayers: How to Convince People You Can Travel Alone

You've bought the guide book, set aside the money and time and decided on your dream solo vacation, but when you share your dream with others, they tell you you're crazy.

It happens to men also, but women get a lot of flack for trying to run off on their own. A lot of negative comments are a result of ignorance and fear, so here are some tips to help work around that and get people supporting your dreams, not bashing them!

-"It's not you, it's me..."
A lot of the time, you'll get a negative reaction because the person giving it is quite simply jealous. They may have also dreamed of travelling alone, but never worked up the courage. They don't want you to have the fun they never got to, so they'll try to convince you not to go. You can tell these people apart from the others by the way they make excuses for themselves, "Oh well, *I* was going to travel to Indonesia alone after university, BUT I got this job and...."
You can simply ignore these people. There's no reason to waste time convincing them.

-Just the facts, ma'am
Every Tom, Dick and Harry has "heard from a friend of a friend" that someone went to the same place you're planning to go and died/got injured/kidnapped or what have you. Fact is, you can die crossing the street in your home town, so that shouldn't stop you from travelling! Nevertheless, brush up on your current affairs, travel advisories and history of the place before talking to people about it. If there has been any political unrest in the past few years, people will remember and remind you of it. It's important to know exactly what is happening when you plan to go, as well as the likelihood of future issues, so that you can counter these comments calmly and effectively.

-Where am I again?
One comment I heard from people when I spoke about solo travel was, "you might get lost." Yes, I might. Actually, knowing myself, a person who can get lost in a sweater on a sunny day, it's highly likely I'll get lost at least once per any given trip. Getting lost, however, is really not the end of the world! In fact, it can be tons of fun in a foreign city and lead to interesting sites and stops you didn't expect to see. Providing you're not lost in Antarctica or a desert, I don't see getting lost as being particularly life-threatening. Maps can be bought, a lot of cell phones have a built-in GPS and locals can usually give directions.

-But what if...?
Oh, the "what if?" people! They can go on forever and usually come up with completely ridiculous hypothetical situations that are so statistically outrageous, you just need to laugh. "But what if a stranger who has the Ebola virus jumps in front of you and starts bleeding all over you, while trying to poke you with a knife and steal your camera?" Ummmmm? That just sounds like a bad day.

-But you might get hurt
Along with the crazy hypothetical situations and concern for your navigational abilities are those who worry about the more mundane and real issues: you might get sick or hurt. Yes, you might get sick or hurt. You can also hurt yourself just walking from your kitchen to your bathroom or get sick on your way to work. That doesn't mean you shouldn't leave your house! Unfortunately, these things can happen anywhere, whether you're with someone or not. All you can do is tell people you are as prepared as you can possibly be - know local hospital or emergency numbers, have medical insurance coverage, carry a first aid kit - do all the obvious and reasonable things you can do within your control, but don't let the fear of the unknown stop you.

-Women as property
One comment my husband got when he mentioned to people I was taking off for a trip on my own was, "you let your wife go alone?!"
Tied into that comment was, "is everything ok in your relationship?"

Well, in my case, I didn't come with a property deed. It was never an issue of anyone "letting" me go. Though married, I'm still my own person, and I think most people in healthy relationships manage to keep a little of themselves to themselves. You need to work within the confines of your own relationship rules and do what makes you both happy. Sometimes some time alone is good for a relationship. If you trust each other, communicate and compromise, I don't see why one of you can't go off alone for a trip. Besides, they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder"! And if I don't mind saying, two of my pregnancies occurred right after getting back from a solo trip, so there's something to be said for a little time apart to freshen up a relationship!

Also, wanting or needing some time alone should not be seen as a threat to a relationship. In some cases, it can indicate problems, but I think it shouldn't be seen immediately as an issue. You have to love yourself and take care of yourself first if you want to be loved, so some time alone to nurture yourself should not be taken personally by your partner or cause fear in your partner if you have a good relationship.

Please don't let anyone hold you back from your dreams. Anyone who tries to is probably not the best match for you.


-People who love you will worry no matter what
Remember that the people who love you most will worry regardless of your location. I advocate coming up with a plan before you go on how and when you will contact key people during your trip to let them know you are still alive and well.

The key is to be secure in yourself about what you want to accomplish and be prepared to hit some brick walls along the way. Randy Pausch said, "brick walls are only there to make us prove how much we want something." If you really want to travel alone and know you'll get some negativity, do your research and work hard towards your goal. On the other hand, you might also be surprised to learn who your biggest supporters are and you won't know until you take the plunge. Happy solo travels!

Pictures For One

Unless you can find someone around to take your picture, traveling alone makes you very good at self-portraiture :) Here are some of mine from Morocco.

The Importance of Telling People Where You Are

There's no doubt that traveling alone has the asset that you can REALLY get away from it all. You can leave your cell phone at home and there's no way for anyone to know what time you've left your hotel room (or if you even checked in), where you went or where you're going. That in itself can be a freeing experience, depending on what goes on in your personal life at home. BUT BUT But, there should be some precautions you should take. I think at least one trust-worthy person back home should have an idea of your itinerary and even possibly a way to contact you in an emergency.

Smart Tip #1:

If you don't do this already (and you really should be!), take photocopies of your passport before you leave. Leave one copy at home with someone you trust. Take one with you in your luggage. Take an extra with you for when you're walking around town in the foreign country. This is because in some places, authorities have the right to stop people on the street and ask for identification. Understandably, you may not want to carry your passport with you at all times (leave it locked at the hotel). You can provide the photocopy and if they have further questions, they can follow you back to your hotel.

Or, if you lose your real passport, a photocopy *may* help you get out of the country or help you at your country's consulate. Having a copy at home means that a friend can possibly fax you a copy (if you lose everything) and also provide identification to authorities in the event of a disaster and you go missing. Sounds horrible? I know, but plan for the worse, I say.

Smart Tip #2:

Leave a copy of your itinerary with a trusted friend. These usually have confirmation numbers and they may be required to board a train or plane. In the event you lose your papers, you don't want to have to guess what time your plane leaves! A quick phone call will get you the info you need. Also keep copies of departure times and confirmation numbers in your email.

Smart Tip #3:

Agree to email or call your trusted friend at agreed times or dates, just to let people know you're alive. It's nice to go where the wind takes you and to email from a different location everyday saying, "oh, I'm in Egypt now!" but people do worry and it's nice to make sure they don't worry too much. It's for you and your friends and family to work out what works best for everyone's comfort and feelings of freedom.

While I was traveling, I discovered two things:

1) I actually wanted to communicate with the people who worry about me most, more than I valued the idea of freedom/independence. My mother, who is usually over-bearing, respected my desire to be left alone and DID NOT call me this time. It did the opposite and worried me. At the same time, I realized I like hearing from her and it was nice to chat on my cell phone with her while wandering around alone.

2) I had a few vulnerable moments (lost in the dark, feeling ill) where I realized how alone I was and if I fell and died on the street at that moment, NO ONE would know where I was or even WHO I was. It would be days before I would be found or reported missing...who knows? It was at those moments that I realized how important it was for people back home to know I was alright and where I was. Obviously, you can't tell them every minute, but at the very least, the name and address of where you plan to sleep at night and the next plane/train/bus you plan to take.

For my own comfort, I bought a cell phone at my destination so that I could call people and they could call me. I also made a point to email daily. Do what works for you and do it responsibly.

5 Benefits of Traveling Alone

Not that you needed any reasons to go it alone, but here are some reminders or insights that might give you the push you need!

1) FREEDOM!!
Think of the open road, the wind in your hair. You get such a wonderful sense of freedom when you travel alone.
You can't hear the phone ring or the kids crying. Hopefully, work can't track you down and bother you. If you take a vacation alone, there should be no ties, chains or tethers to stop you. Enjoy the freedom.

2) Confidence Boost!
Traveling alone really helps to boost your confidence and I think women need this a lot more than men do. Often we (as well as society) tell ourselves we're too small or not strong enough, not smart enough or any number of negative things.
When you have to rely on yourself, you can see just how capable and resourceful you are. Even if you're the type of person who is always prepared, fearless and in control, travel will always push you that little bit more to remind you how amazing you really are.
If you're a little scared before leaving and think you might not be able to handle it, sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is a challenge, but go slowly and the confidence will build. Remember that life doesn't put anything in front of you that you're unable to handle. Keep your thoughts in the present moment and trust that you can handle anything that comes your way.

The last time I went off by myself, I was reminded of a quote by Goethe - "the sooner you trust yourself, the sooner you know how to live." I felt I needed to remember that always, so I got it tattooed to my wrist. Remembering to trust myself got me through the times I was scared and in doubt. I came back with more confidence than ever.

3) Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
We're all creatures of habit and travel takes us through all sorts of new and different climates, cultures, timezones, food and schedules - we have no choice but to take a few chances here and there and try something new. The benefit of getting out of your comfort zone is that you, as above, gain more confidence and new skills. It helps you understand what you really like and what you hate. From there you can learn what you want and don't want, in general.
You have to give up control and old habits and learn a new way sometimes. In the end, it will make you more flexible and adaptable in life. Great skills to put on a curriculum vitae! Don't ever underestimate the value of travel for your career and education.

4) Meet More People
A great benefit to travel is meeting new people, especially locals. Often they have tips for the best restaurants and places to see. They can also help you avoid scams. (Just be careful who you become friends with.)
As a loner, it's easier to meet other lone travelers or couples. Often people take pity on us (they don't have to!) and think we're lonely, so they'll invite us solo chickies to join them. (There are also times when you will truly be lonely and be more than happy to join others!)
If you take a tour as a singleton, you may be matched up with other singles for seating arrangements and such. No matter which way you meet people, I simply find it's easier to do it when you're not already with a group of friends (people tend to get cliquish and exclusionary) because it's less intimidating for the other person you're meeting.

Also, if you think you're the shy type at home, you might be surprised how you open up when you travel. I'm not the social butterfly type at home, but when I travel I become Ms. Friendly and talk to everyone. I just find it fun to get all sorts of info and perspectives on where I'm
going.

The other benefit of meeting travel friends is that you can dump/avoid them the minute you want to be alone again. I know that sounds mean, but it's true. You don't owe them anything and you don't have to keep in contact or ever see them again if you don't want to.
On the upside, you might meet someone great and have a free place to stay the next time you visit ;)

5) No Compromising!
This one is probably the best - you don't have to compromise with anyone. You have an excuse to be selfish and do only what YOU want to do.
You can go at your own pace or change plans on a whim. Want to sleep in your hotel room all day? No one will make you feel guilty for "wasting" the day or not enjoying the sites.
You don't have to fight with anyone to choose a restaurant; you can eat when, where and what you want.
You don't have to go see sights you get care to see or pay entrance fees for things you're not really interested in.
If you want to buy a strange and overpriced souvenir, no one can talk you out of it.
You don't have any travel partners you have to worry about slowing you down or getting sick or injured.
If you want to sing loudly in your car or walk around naked in your hotel room, you can.

Traveling alone is a time of complete indulgence, hedonism and selfishness, but for balance in our lives, we need that every once and a while :)

So go take on the world alone! Relax, unwind, unplug and have fun!

Tips for the Naughty Bits

I'm usually an advocate in traveling light and buying what you need when you arrive, but there's an aspect to solo female travel that I always want to be prepared for - keeping the reproductive organs happy and healthy.

These tips depend largely on where you're going, but for the most part, when it comes to girly parts, I say you can never be too prepared. This post isn't for the squeamish, as I'm going to talk frankly here, but as a woman, you should put some thought into at least some of my tips to do the best for your health and sanity while traveling.

If you have moral issues concerning emergency contraception, please skip the next paragraph. However, I put this point first because I feel it is a very important consideration to take and not everyone thinks of it.

1) Before you leave, consider getting a prescription filled for Plan B - the "morning after pill" (or other emergency contraceptive).
The laws concerning this pill at your destination may not be the same as where you live now. Also, prescriptions are always cheaper to get at home. Keep in mind that those pills may be illegal at your destination. I suggest bringing emergency contraceptive in the unfortunate event that you are raped, or perhaps the condom breaks or you forgot your diaphragm -whatever it is goes wrong. It will be one less stress to think about during your trip and after your return.

2) Also consider getting a prescription of fluconazole, which is a single dose antifungal pill. In other words, it kills a nasty yeast infection quickly and easily - without messy creams or suppositories. If you can't get your hands on that (or it simply is contraindicated for you) you could just bring a one-day over the counter treatment with you. Once again, though I'm all about adventure, sometimes it's best to stick to what you know works. You don't want to spend your whole vacation wandering around, looking for a pharmacy, then looking for a yeast infection cure in some other language. Also keep in mind that the quality of products in some other countries can be lower (cheaper or toxic ingredients, improper storage, or just expired).

3) Bring your own contraception!
I can't stress this enough. Even if you "don't think anything will happen", you might be surprised by who you meet while traveling and how the rules you usually follow might slide a bit. Do not assume condoms are easy to find in other countries. Do not trust the condoms of your partner - you don't know how they have been stored. Make sure you store yours well (in a cool, dry place, not a pant pocket) and try to keep them in your carry-on (I really don't know if condoms can withstand the cold of an aircraft baggage compartment). I keep mine protected in a cute black pencil case. It's discrete, stops them from getting punctures and is cute enough to walk into a bar with as a purse. (Believe it or not, I also manage to fit a small travel toothbrush and paste, a pair of disposable undies and a panty liner. You never know! Despite all this, I have to admit, I've never managed to hook up with someone in a foreign place, though I know many who have.)

4) Bring your own menstrual gear.
Bring pads, panty liners, tampons, or even better, a reusable cup like the Keeper or the Diva Cup. Bring them even if you aren't expecting your period. The stress of travel and time changes can change your cycle, so you never know. Once again, it's also about not having to waste time wandering around looking for these things when you could be out having fun and exploring.

4b) Probably stating the obvious, but if you take a contraceptive pill, remember to bring it, too! Bring enough for an extra month, just in case you somehow lose your set. Or maybe you'll want to extend your stay.

5) Change your underwear and try to wash daily!
If you don't already, make a habit of it when you travel. It's important to keep things fresh and clean down there, especially in hot, humid climates where there's a lot more bacteria and fungi around. Or you might not have access to clean running water for bathing. If you can't get a shower, try to do a wipe with a face cloth, some soap and clean water.
Just keep in mind that you will probably sweat more while traveling because of things like nervousness and stress, more physical exertion (carrying heavy luggage and walking/hiking) and sitting for long periods in buses, trains and planes.

6) Keep soap samples.
Sometimes you get little single load samples of laundry detergent, right? Keep those for when you travel. They are the perfect size and can be used to do a quick wash of your undies/bras in a hotel sink.

7) Bring disposable undies.
This is more of a "packing light" tip, but I figured I'd add it here. You can get disposable underwear from spas or, in my case, my local Chinatown. They are surprisingly comfortable and breathable. They're fantastic because they come rolled up very small, so they don't take up much space and you can wear them and throw them away after. They're also very light.
Alternatively, you could also buy some cheap undies and throw them away before coming home, but disposables are really the lightest and cheapest out there. I'll admit, they're not very sexy. Maybe that's why I haven't hooked up on my travels....

Comment if you think of others to add and Bon Voyage!